Emotions!

I know that this about my journey through weight loss, but I have been know to be the emotional eater from time to time. When I am stressed, I eat, but when I am super stress, I don't eat. I have enough stress and super stressed is not a state that I would like to be in anytime soon. But I am getting extremely frustrated. About what?

Well, since you asked. Church. I had a great church home. HAD being the operative word. I was involved, felt loved and felt that I gave love. I felt as if I was growing. I loved the teaching. I coheaded the food pantry, helped organize showers, made meals for those who were sick/just had a baby etc, was in a photo class, helped in nursery, in a womens group, and in a prayer group and I could add more. But I think that you get the point. Sometimes, I think back and wonder when I had the time.
But I did. And I loved it. I had a group of solid group of couple friends. And everything was great for a while after the divorce, but for reasons that I won't get into- I made a choice to find a different church home.


And that is the problem. I can't find one. I tried COR, but the kids didn't like it as well. They kept asking if we could go back to our old church. And so then I started going to Heartland. (I linked the church website to their names, so you can check them out.) The kids love Heartland. Some of their friends from school go there and it isn't as overwhelming as COR. But after going there for nearly 3yrs (I think), I don't know anyone. People might know my face or know that I am the boys's mom. But there is no one that I can call and say "Hey, I need . . . " But more importantly, I feeling I am giving nothing. Well, I KNOW am giving nothing. And therefore not growing as a person. I love the worship way better than COR, but I don't always feel challenged after the sermon.

But this week, they had a worship/communion service and it was great. Although, I realized how much of a wall I had built up in my faith. I won't lie. The divorce was HARD. And I felt totally let down by God. He can build the universe in 7 days, but can't save my marriage. And it hit me on Sunday, how much I was still angry at God for not giving me that miracle and how alone I continue to feel at church.


But maybe I needed to be alone. Not caught up in groups/friends/service/acting the way a christian should act. I don't think any of those things are wrong. But maybe what I need to do is tear down the wall, instead of looking for a distraction. A distraction that allows me to focus on people instead of God.


On Sunday, I felt sooo alone sitting in church surrounded by hundreds of people. But it didn't hit me until I started writing, that maybe I need to go back to my childhood faith. And just know that I am not alone.