Happy Holidays!

Well, the holidays are almost done. And it is time to focus on the new year. I realized the other day, I have to renew my gym membership, so that has been added to the " to do list". But I am working a lot this week and I am sure they will be closed on the first, so I think I will wait until the next week. Have a Happy New Year! Be safe!

Okay . . . .

So the scale is not broken. I had to go to the MD office yesterday, since I can't breathe. I have a sinus infection. Are you kidding me?!?! I have NEVER had a sinus infection. But I am sooo glad that I got taken care of. I thought my allergy meds weren't working. And the pain was horrid, not to mention I couldn't breathe esp when I was laying down. Which made sleep a distant memory. Dr. F got us in and out in 10min. Awesome. But the moral of the story is that I weighed only 3lbs (fully clothed including shoes and after eating lunch) than at home. YYYEEEAAAHHH! So, it made me feel good that I didn't get on the scale and get a huge shock that I was 15lbs heavier. Now in the spirit of Christmas, it would have been nice for the scale to shave off a few lbs. Oh, well, I was able to sleep last night. And the pain is less, so that is what really matters.

I think my scale is broken . . . .

I got on the scale and was shocked that I am still weighing the same. I haven't been able to get to the gym, and haven't been the best about watching what I eat. And I know I should be thrilled, but part of me is afraid I will figure out that the scale was wrong and I have gained the weight back. But for now I am enjoying the fact that I don't have to make up any ground. When the holidays are over, I can just refocus and get off the plateau.

And a funny little story . . . . I thought that this was a better places to tell it. Yesterday, the boys and I were running errands. Well, in the car Noah asked me . . . . .

Noah : " Mom?"

Me : "Yes."

Noah : "You know that song, Silent Night? What's a VIRGIN?"

Me ( are you kidding me?!?! Of all the songs . . . . ): UUUMMMMM. . . . . (now all kids are focusing on the answer I am about to give) . . . . . Well, you know how when 2 people get married and . . . . . make a baby. . . . . A virgin is someone . . . . . who isn't married and . . . . . (crap !!!!!!) hasn't done what married people do to make a baby.

Noah : "Oh, ok!"

AAAAHHHH! Crisis diverted. That was enough to satisfy his curiosity. And now I need to really think about having a talk one on one with Noah before he starts hearing things from other kids. Kids grow up tooo fast!

Too early to procrastinate!

I have made a big dent in my things to do list. But I have decided that I will refocus on my weight loss after the New Year, but things are too crazy to try to focus on things now. I spent the day yesterday doing cookie plates and delivering them to friends/neighbors. And no I did not give the burnt/laxative laced ones (there weren't any burnt ones) or rocks to the crazy neighbor. Thought about it. But just left that one alone. I did alot of shoveling of the snow on tues. So, I am going to procrastinate on my New Year's resolution, even though it is not the New Year. If the weather holds, hopefully next week I can take the kids to the gym and do some swimming/basketball. Yesterday, we went sledding and that was fun. I am going to try to watch my portions, and I got rid of most of the christmas cookies yesterday! Yeah! Today I have to finish the christmas letter and finish making the christmas ornaments and clean the house. I wish that when I cleaned it, it would stay clean for at least a MONTH! Stay warm and out of the ice. The boys and I are going to bundle in until tomorrow and hopefully the ice will not be that bad when I have to go to work tomorrow night!

Finished # 1, 2, 6 and part of # 8

Okay, I made a dent in the "Things to Do list", however I have to add a few more to it . . .
16. Stop taking a shower in my bathroom so the tiles can dry and try to repair the bottom tiles. UUGGHH! (the seal of the grout is cracked and mold is growing. Gross I know, I have to get the house market ready by March)
17. Make even more ornaments because I got an order for 4-8 more.
18. Forgot that I promised Eli and Bff Brooke that I would make peanut butter blossoms, so that needs to added to #5
19. Get $10 cash to include w/Jordan's bday gift
20. Find my magic pixie dust, so that I can go "Poof" and all things on my to do list will be done.

But on the upside, I was scared to do it. But this morning I stepped on the scale and saw I have only gained 1 lb. Shocking I know. I guess I haven't been as bad as I thought. I was feeling kinda crappy so I rested this morning instead of going to the gym. I know BAD, but I got over it really fast. Anyway, I hope to get some of my christmas cards done tonight while I am at work! Multitasking is my specialty.

Why . . . . ?

Why do I let one thing affect my attitude for the whole day/week? Like I have a kid home sick from school, so I can't go to the gym, but I don't workout w/one of my DVD's either. Or I splurged at lunch, so the diet is blown for the day, so ice cream for dessert is okay. Or since I haven't been able to get to the gym the past few days, I'll go next week. Or I have alot of things to do but I catching up on my shows and not doing any of them. Why?

I don't know, but I am going to remedy the problem right now. I can't go to the gym and get my things to do list taken care of, but I will not let that be an excuse to splurge later today. My things to do list (in no particular order):

1. laundry (do and put away)
2. clean the house
3. christmas letter
4. christmas cards
5. make christmas cookies
6. buy jordan's bday present and wrap it
7. go to the bank and cash Noah's bday check (now don't think bad of me, I already took him to the store, he spent the money weeks ago, I just put in on my card . . . So, stop thinking bad thoughts about me ! :)
8. make christmas ornaments
9. after #5 is done, give cookie plates to neighbors and boys teachers and BFF's! (making sure the Bff Brooke gets plenty so she actually gets to eat them this year)
10. finish christmas shopping
11. wrap Christmas presents
12. have fun with the boys when they are off for Christmas break
13. have a tight budget since getting extra shifts at work might become nonexistant
14. work out at least an 1hr 5x a week
15. have a Merry Christmas

I think that covers the next 2 weeks. Not too much right?!?! Well, better get started on #1 and 2.

We just have to move on!

Well, most of the trees are completely gone. I am still not sure what I am going to do about it. My primary concern now is the fact that my neighbor is claiming my flowerbeds and adding to her already large piles of junk. And now w/o the fence I have to see them. But in reality, if the house sells this spring, it will not be my problem anymore. It has been an emotional 2days. And now I just have to decide what is really the best choice. Doing 4mi on the elliptical at the gym, helped improve my mood. And I took LOTS of pic of the damage today. I hate to say it can't get worse, but it can. I am not about feuding w/my neighbor. And to 1-2 thousand for a survey that may prove that she is right, is a tough situation. But I am putting it away for now. The boys and I had a fun evening. And I am focusing on the positive and no one can take that away from me!

Going down the toilet!

Today, is going to be one of those days. I worked last night and I am tired. And to make matters worse. I am watching my neighbor cut down my trees, fence and take over my flowerbeds. I guess I should say that the trees, fence and said flower bed might not be mine. My neighbor has been wanting for YEARS to cut down said trees. But I have not been for it. And I am wanting to sell the house in the spring and think major overhauling of my backyard was not something I want to do. And who really wants to buy a house w/a crazy neighbor like that. Anyway, I was resting this morning on the sofa and heard the chainsaws. And my black walnut was in pieces. The men moved quickly to the elms. I have been on the phone w/every city office I could think of and my laywer. But the general issue is w/o a survey, we don't know whose property it is. And the police (yes they were called) can't do anything, since it is a civil dispute. From the mapping website of JO, it appears as if she might be right about the trees and the fence. But who knows for sure if she is right. And the trees are hacked down to 15ft stumps(I can't judge how tall they are exactly). But they have NO branches. And then she started for the bushes. And is stacking the wood what she deems is her property. The upside is if I pay for the survey, I can sue. But it doesn't won't bring back the trees, or save the flowers/shrubs that she is going to kill in the mean time. I am just crying as I look out the window. My gardens were great therapy over the years. I had very little(in terms of garden) when I moved in, and I spent countless hours making them beautiful. My boys helped me plant bulbs, hostas, flowers in the very spot she has deemed her new wood pile. My memories are endless. I knew my house was too small for a forever home, and part of what made it so hard to decide that I needed to move was all the work I put into this house. Especially my gardens. I can tell which plants my mom so graciously gave me, and which ones I bought, and ironically which ones my neighbor gave me. I guess that is the true definition of being an indian giver. Not only is she taking back her plant, she taking the whole flowerbed. I had such great plans for today, decorating the christmas tree, going to the gym, etc. But I have such a headache now. And I am sooo upset. I know they are just trees and flowers, but they are my heart. And I am reminded, to appreciate those things are truely important.

Good advice

In church yesterday they talked about dealing w/pain. And the pastor gave the AA tips of avoiding situations that are/ or lead to H.A.L.T. And I think that the concept applies to everyone in all aspects of their life.

"This tried and true slogan helps us to stay in touch with our feelings and needs. Sometimes the onset of anxiety or a sudden drop in mood can be traced to our having forgotten to eat so our blood sugar levels are off kilter. Sometimes we may be carrying a resentment, or feeling lonely, or we are just too tired. Taking a little time out from our busy day to ask ourselves if we are feeling too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, gets us in touch with our feelings. When we know what we are feeling we can make choices and take the appropriate action to get our needs for food, companionship, or rest, met.

Being too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, are conditions that leave us more vulnerable to the temptations that lead us away from our program of dual recovery. Part of recovery is learning to pay attention to these inner signals and practice appropriate ways to meet our needs and resolve issues in a manner that will enhance our abstinence and serenity. " from http://www.draonline.org/relapse5.html

I think that people who are not in recovery can learn from that. I know I eat more when I am too hungry/angry/lonely or tired. And through the holidays try to evaluate yourself to make sure that you are not falling into an old trap. And on that note, I better get to the gym. The speaker also talked about getting up and moving. Release those endorphins!

I need to be at the gym!

I need to be at the gym, but instead I am updating my blog. I know lame. But I am waiting for a phone call from my Grandma and I have some Christmas gifts that I need to be on the computer to finish. I won't explain that might spoil someone's Christmas. Although I am pretty sure my Grandparents don't check my blog. So hopefully, I will get all this stuff done. And the house cleaned and GO to the gym! So I a better get on the stick!

Too busy this week!

Didn't go to the gym today and probably won't tomorrow. I just had too much to do today, and tomorrow is a day to relax. I think my goal is to maintain through the holidays. I am going to try to workout the same and watch what I am eating, but I am NOT going to stress lossing weight. Happy Thanksgiving!

I figured it out . . .

I think that I have finally figured out why I am so tired and having more trouble sleeping. My youngest boys have been playing sports Sat mornings for the last 5 weeks. So, in order to get to basketball at 1100, I only get about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. And then soccer is at 1300 and then usually the rest of the day is packed w/other activities. By the time I go to bed it is nearly midnight since, my body wakes up after 8-9pm. Saturdays are usually my catch up day. Normally when I get home from work I just a few hours of sleep during the day and then go to bed early, but I have been having trouble sleeping. And when I am exhausted that happens, why I don't know. But the nights that I think, I would sleep like a rock-I toss and turn. So, I will be making more of an effort to get to bed on time and take my afternoon naps and try to get the sleep that I am supposed to.

I think my wii fit age this week is 100 . . .

It has a hard week. Sometimes, my body refuses to cooperate with the switching back and forth from days to nights. And this week was one of those weeks. I am having trouble sleeping at night (the 4 nights a week that I can even sleep at night) but having trouble napping during the day. UUUGGGHHH! Working nights just plain screws you up!!! It has been tough to be motivated to work out, and it is wearing me out! Hopefully, it will get batter. I slept okay last night, so I better get to the gym and burn those calories!

Didja Know . . .?

Here is some estimations on the number of calories you burn in 30min of various exercises/activities:
playing pool- 105
Sky diving-156
jumping on a trampoline- 156
belly dancing- 210
heavy cleaning- 216
walking (pace 15min mile)- 216
playing with your kids- 252
cycling (pace 10-11.9 miles/hour)- 270
shoveling snow- 288
swimming- 288
moving- carrying boxes- 336
circuit training- 384
jumping jacks-vigorous- 384
running (pace 10min/mile)- 480
elliptical- 432
skipping- 540

Okay I don't believe I will be jumping out of a plane anytime soon. And I don't think I am going to skip for 60min instead of going to the gym. But I would be happy if anyone wants to burn their calories for the day by doing heavy cleaning at my house. Any volunteers. . . . NO? Worth a shot. Since I have exercise for the last 7 days, I am taking a break today. My shins are KILLING me. Thats what I get for trying to beat mom on the wii fit. Be sure tomorrow I am going to the gym and going on the elliptical machine.

Why be so cruel . . . .

Over the weekend, my family celebrated Thanksgiving. After dinner, I know not the best time- we got on the wii fit. Did you know that if you gain weight, it makes you tell it why? As if its not bad enough seeing your weight curve go up. I was up 2 lbs since the last time I was on it. UMMM Thanksgiving dinner DUH! But saying I just ate wasn't an option. And I always get lectures about needing to exercise EVERYDAY. That wii fit board has a smart mouth :). I spent the weekend trying to dethrone my parents #1 standings. But it was pretty worthless. My mom is killer at the wii fit. And Fred creamed us all at soccer. I am #1 for ski jump (really I tied Mom but the ranks bumped me ahead of her, maybe that board isn't so bad after all . . .) and #1 for beginner boxing. I am not delusional enough to think my ranking will last.

Staying in check . . .

Exercise check
drinking 8-10 glasses of water check
getting 8hrs of sleep check(cumulative right ?)
watching what I eat half check

I am doing pretty good this last week and a half. But am hungry ALL the time. I know my weight loss would speed up if I could get that undercontrol. Tomorrow is a new day!

Check it out!

Check out the ticker at the bottom of the page. Lost another pound. SWEET!

In the Gutters!

I yet again had to clean the gutters out. Hopefully that will be the last time. But when I look at the trees, I know that there is a HUGE possibilty that it will not be the last time this year. The boys helped this time which made it easier for me. They do a pretty good job and even Lucas got on the ladder to help. But the best part was, when the boys were waiting turns-they were playing so well together. Being the only girl, I played by myself ALOT. My brothers HATED me most of the time. I can't blame them. I ratted them out ALL the time. But I am glad that the boys have each other. And choose more often than not to play together. After, the gutters were clean, I then needed to get the leaf drifts off the patio and raking leaves was my exercise for the day. I got to the gym today, so yeah me!

Emotions!

I know that this about my journey through weight loss, but I have been know to be the emotional eater from time to time. When I am stressed, I eat, but when I am super stress, I don't eat. I have enough stress and super stressed is not a state that I would like to be in anytime soon. But I am getting extremely frustrated. About what?

Well, since you asked. Church. I had a great church home. HAD being the operative word. I was involved, felt loved and felt that I gave love. I felt as if I was growing. I loved the teaching. I coheaded the food pantry, helped organize showers, made meals for those who were sick/just had a baby etc, was in a photo class, helped in nursery, in a womens group, and in a prayer group and I could add more. But I think that you get the point. Sometimes, I think back and wonder when I had the time.
But I did. And I loved it. I had a group of solid group of couple friends. And everything was great for a while after the divorce, but for reasons that I won't get into- I made a choice to find a different church home.


And that is the problem. I can't find one. I tried COR, but the kids didn't like it as well. They kept asking if we could go back to our old church. And so then I started going to Heartland. (I linked the church website to their names, so you can check them out.) The kids love Heartland. Some of their friends from school go there and it isn't as overwhelming as COR. But after going there for nearly 3yrs (I think), I don't know anyone. People might know my face or know that I am the boys's mom. But there is no one that I can call and say "Hey, I need . . . " But more importantly, I feeling I am giving nothing. Well, I KNOW am giving nothing. And therefore not growing as a person. I love the worship way better than COR, but I don't always feel challenged after the sermon.

But this week, they had a worship/communion service and it was great. Although, I realized how much of a wall I had built up in my faith. I won't lie. The divorce was HARD. And I felt totally let down by God. He can build the universe in 7 days, but can't save my marriage. And it hit me on Sunday, how much I was still angry at God for not giving me that miracle and how alone I continue to feel at church.


But maybe I needed to be alone. Not caught up in groups/friends/service/acting the way a christian should act. I don't think any of those things are wrong. But maybe what I need to do is tear down the wall, instead of looking for a distraction. A distraction that allows me to focus on people instead of God.


On Sunday, I felt sooo alone sitting in church surrounded by hundreds of people. But it didn't hit me until I started writing, that maybe I need to go back to my childhood faith. And just know that I am not alone.

Wii Fit

Well, the dogs went back to my parents today. So I decided to work out on their wii fit. I had worked out on it nearly 2 weeks ago when they first bought it. And it was missing me. I guess it kept asking my parents if they had seen me since it had been so long since I worked out. It is nice to feel love.

The good thing is my wii fit age is down from 60 to 41. I would really like to know in the grand scheme of life, what my control of balance has to do w/anything. We all know, I am NOT graceful. But my mom has gotten her age down to 27. I think she is cheating. I beat a few of my parents records. So, hopefully when we do the family Thanksgiving, I do it again.

I lost nearly 1lb when doing my workout. I have done really well this week. So, hopefully that will be reflected in my weight. Gotta go!

Today I live in a perfect world!

Today I lived in a perfect world.

I voted and made it to the gym 10min before the childwatch opened ( I did my 60min of cardio burning 640 cal).

I slept while the boys were in school.

The boys came home and did their chores/homework.

I get to work. (Now I know I really need a vacation but for some reason my bills won't get paid if I don't work, and my unit has been closing ALOT lately and I was worried that I wouldn't get to work)

The only thing that would make things perfect is for this xtra weight would just melt away, and pulisher's clearing house comes to the house with a 1million dollar check.

I don't think that is too much to ask for.

Take a load off!

Crazy busy weekend is over. PHHEWWW! I am going to stop and listen to the silence and enjoy. . . . . . Okay Ale' is not being silent.
My parents older dog is weird. She likes the feel of my curtains on her back, and so if I am on the computer- she goes to the window next to the computer and walks back and forth under the curtain.
Like I said WEIRD!

But my mom has a crazy busy week and my dad is out of town ( I thought all of that time in Germany would have kept him from going on business for 2yrs-obviously his boss thinks he needs to earn his keep in country too). So, since I need her help w/the boys, I am dog sitting.

Back to the silence.

I think the moment has passed.

I wanted to go the gym but was too tired. I think I am getting too old. I had to clean the gutters, so it was probably good that I skipped the gym. Because it took me 1 1/2hrs to clean the gutters and clean the patio. ( I think the leaf drift was 3ft deep.) Gotta love fall!

And to make matters more fun. The boys have a 1/2 day tomorrow. Poor planning on my part since I have to work tomorrow night. When am I going to sleep. And why am I in a school district that is always for no apparrent reason having these random 1/2 days.

And I have to vote. I should have voted early.

And I want to work out.

If the world was perfect. I could vote, and be at the gym at 0830 when child care starts. Do my 1hr of cardio and some wts. Be home to take Lucas to school at 1035 and then lay down for a nap and get up around 1300-1330. Boys get home around 1245.

So lets pray that tomorrow is a perfect world.

1/2 lb

When I got on the scale today, I was ecstatic that I lost a 1/2lb. I have been in Limbo for awhile, and it is nice to see my efforts rewarded. Today was a CRAZY day w/ class parties and getting ready for my oldest's party tomorrow. So, hopefully I will stay on track this weekend. I won't be getting much sleep, and that will make it hard. But I am determined.

YES!

I exercised today. I was soooooo tired this morning, but I did get up and mow the lawn and sweep the patio today. Which took an hour. Not as hard as my usual routine. But it was something. And it helps being able to log my food/exercise again. So, it was a good day!

Well . . . . .

I did get to the gym today. But it took me FOREVER to pay bills this morning, so I could only work out for 40min. Why does Peoples Bank feel the need to update their online banking when it was working perfectly fine before??? I guess they never heard of "if it ain't broke don't fix it!" I liked it the old way, maybe I will get use to it, or maybe I will go back to writing checks. . . . Well maybe I will just get used to it.
Back from my tangent, I wanted to work out for 60min, but I think it would probably be best if I just try to do at leat 30min everyday. Get back into the routine of exercising 5 days a week again, then start increasing the time. This is going to be a crazy week enough as it is. Tomorrow, I have to get the pumpkins carved, because I have to go grocery shopping/bake cookies on Thursday. Friday is shool party day, and cupcakes for Noah's bday party on Sat. Anyone wanting to help out. Just come on over!!! Bring your elbow grease b/c I have to clean the house in there somewhere. And sleep. Sometime. Maybe next week.

Too sick!

I was feeling under the weather today. So, I hope to get back to my daily exercising 2moro. Since I would like my wii fit age to be less than 47. I would like to know exactly how they figure that from my balance. I have never been very graceful. My brothers can attest to that. Years of ballet obviously didn't help. Sorry, I got sidetracked. I hope to get back the desire and need to workout everyday. This is going to be a BUSY week/weekend, and I would really like to begin refocusing and losing weight b4 the holidays. And work is no longer blocking sparkpeople.com so that will help. It helps to track the food/exercise and goals. But I didn't have enough time in the day. Speaking of the numbers of hours in the day. I think I need to go to bed!

We are going for a Fall look!

I have decided to change the blog w/the weather change. And wishing today that I still could go to Praire Life. I like Matt Ross, but today the boys don't have school and I can't go to the gym until they go to their Dad's. Because of daycare. At Praire Life, we were all members so the daycare was included. And they would take the kids to the gym and play games w/them, etc. But I have to pay for each child at Matt Ross, and I am cheap. Noah only has 7 more days that he could be in the daycare anyway, since it is for 9 and under. But the weather is poor, so I am letting it sour my mood and I have to work tonight. I NEED a vacation! Anyone willing to pay for that and supplement my income since I don't get vacation. . . . ANYONE . . . anyone???? Didn't think so. Oh, well. If I must work, then I must.

Just have a minute!

I just have a minute before I have to get dinner started. I am still struggling with my portions, but I did get up and get my exercise done. I think Billy Banks is psycho, but beyond that I am feeling good. Now, If someone has suggests to make my 10yr get on the stick w/his homework instead having a melt down, I am open for suggestions. I HATE Mondays!!!! I am tired and crabby and unfortunately so is everyone. We need to go to bed!!!!!!!!

Not losing. . . Not gaining

Well, I have not lost anymore, but I have not gained. So, YEAH! I am still trying to stay focused. So, hopefully, I will start losing again. But my friend Julie asked me how much more weight I lost today, so that made me feel good. It would be nice if I could wake up and be 50lbs lighter. But I am trying to be patient. And I am glad that I haven't gained any back. At work, they blocked sparkpeople.com, so I have a hard time logging my food intact now. But I am not giving up!

When I am upset . . .

When I am upset I shut people out. Partly because I know my mouth gets out of control, but partly because I don't trust that people truly care to help.
When I was in highschool, I found out most of the girls that I considered "best/good" friends didn't like more for the first 2-3yrs we were friends. I was shocked that they faked a friendship w/me. So, I began to learn that not everyone is as upfront as I am (believe me I know that being upfront ALL the time is not the best way to win friends and influence people). So, my trust issues started early . . . tears please :).
Seriously, I don't hide my emotions at all (don't even try). And there may be times that I like to vent, but when I am truly upset I usually shut everyone out. And talk to myself. Usually in my head, but my oldest brother can attest to the fact that sometimes I talk to myself outloud. I like to work things out w/people in my head. Mostly, because in my head people respond in ways that I like better.
I think my biggest problem is that if I am upset enough for it to affect on how I view a person, then I can write people off. Not always the easiest thing in the work place. And since we already established that I don't hide my feelings, things can get sticky.
And that is a little writing prompt from a blog I like, to give you a little insite into my inner workings.

I miss my Arc Trainer!

I have joined a new gym and I miss my selection of cardio equipment. This new gym is really the local community center and is way cheaper and closer. But doesn't have a variety of cardio machines. It has treadmills, elliptical, stationary bikes, and stair climbing things (not like the normal stair machines). But I guess I have to suck it up, because $40/month is WAY better than the $139/month I was paying. Not all cardio equipment is created equal.

Update!

I have still yet to make any jewelry, but a girl at work noticed that I was losing weight! Yeah Me! And she had no idea that I was trying. I know sometimes, people feel obligated to say they can tell that your losing weight because they want to be supportive. And I appreciate their support. But sometimes, you do wonder if they are just lying. So, it was awesome to have someone who has no idea that I am trying to lose weight say "Hey Rachel are you losing weight?" And to top it all off, my clothes are getting looser. That's the biggest PLUS! So, I will keep trying to remain focused!

Mostly done!

Well, I got most of my list done. I haven't made the jewelry, but I am tired and need to go to sleep soon. And I weighted myself after the gym and had lost the 1lb I was worried about. So, it could just be water. But, I will try to remain focused.

2 1/2 things done!

I have almost completed 2 1/2 things on my things to do list. I am going to finish paying bills online and try to finish the rest of the list before the kids get home. Well, I have jewelry to make. That may have to wait until after bedtime.

Get up and Go!

I know that it has been awhile since my last post. I have been sloooow moving lately. I have been volunteering at the school's book fair and have no time. Sweeps week is NOT helping. I think I need a 25-26 hr day to get everything. done. Well, I am sure I could reorganize how I spend my time and get more done. I have only gotten 1 thing on my things to do list done this morning. And unfortunately, when I weighted myself this morning my lack of going to the gym showed. I gained 1 lb. But today that is going to change. I am going to the gym and get myself refocused. I think I have a lot of things to do and get overwhelmed. And then don't do the things I need to and then just get frustrated at myself. And I was getting up w/Lucas when I took him to school instead of sleeping (after working all night). I was CRABBY, but getting things done. But I pushed myself too hard. Because I have been EXHAUSTED. So, I am trying to find a balance. Tomorrow is the last day of the bookfair and my last 2hr shift. So, hopefully next week I will go to the gym every day again. But I am going right NOW!

Hitting a Brick Wall

I have been feeling like I am getting into a rut and hitting a wall. I am trying to get through it, or over it. Heck I might have to go under it, but I am having more cravings, not wanting to exercise and am crabby ALOT! So, hopefully I will get out of this rut.

0 star day :(

I have been exercising Mon- Fri and today was the first time in weeks that I didn't exercise. I worked last night, and was able to get 3-4hrs of sleep before getting up and taking my youngest son to afternoon kindergarten. I volunteered in his class today since it was his bday. Then school was over, time for homework/chores before taking the bday boy out for dinner and the movies. So, I am EXHAUSTED now that the boys are finally in bed. And exercise is not happening. And if I don't drag myself to bed, I will be to tired tomorrow. I feel like I am loosing focus. So, hopefully, I will get back on track. I am still having days when I am more hungry so even though I do awesome at the gym, my total calories for the day are more than I want. I had more calories than I wanted for today, but I was under my needs yesterday. And when I work the night before it is hard to be awake for most of 2days while not eating much. Tomorrow is a new day, RIGHT!

Give up Or Give in

Today was hard. It was the first day I really felt like giving up or more like give in to temptation. And not just to food. I didn't want to do cardio. I am still sore from doing weights/squats/lunges yest. And I was hungry. Like starved. But I know as a whole, I could have done better. But on the flip side I could have done worse. I did my workout and I cheated but in small amounts. And I met my calories burned/cardio minutes for the week goal yest. So, I hope tomorrow is better.

Almost 10lbs!

Yep, I have almost reached a 10lbs weight loss. I am thrilled b/c this is huge for me. And partly b/c I was at my heaviest at 225lbs and now I am nearly 15lbs lighter than that today. I didn't start blogging until recently and I was 6-7lbs lighter than my heaviest at that point. But I am finally at the point where I can start to see changes in how my clothes feel, not just the scale. Sometimes I am afraid that my scale is just broken since things are going so good. But the proof is in the jeans. I think if I lose another 5-10lbs, I will be able to wear some clothes that I haven't fit into in a LONG time. I did some circuit training yesterday and boy am I feeling it today. Check out the links to help you on your weight loss journey. And the exerciseabout.com has some great tips on workouts for at the gym or home.

Spa Day

Today was a spa day. 3 coworkers and myself won a contest for a spa package. The contest was looking for a sisterhood like in the new SisterHood of the Traveling Pants II. My friend Nicole entered and we obviously won. So, today was a day that we all could go and enjoy stress free time w/o the kids.

I had to laugh as we were filling out a health form. One of the questions was "Do you have any stress check yes or no?" Are there people who can really check NO? I want to be them just for a day.

I have never had a facial, but I recommend everyone getting one. They are awesome. I think I am going to have to figure a way to have one on a regular basis. And then maybe I could check the NO box.

To further enjoy the day, we went out for dinner. I knew that we were going out, and knew I wanted to slurge. You gotta live. The steak was AWESOME. I can't remember when I had a steak last. And even though I totally grossed out my friend Brooke (who doesn't eat beef or pork) w/my medium rare steak. It was worth it. Now to the point, I know the martinis and creme brulee were not on my diet, but I think I deserved the treat. I know I could have gone way overboard. And I am not going to look at this as setback but rather a breakthrough. I worked out hard this week and watched what I ate so today wouldn't blow all my hard work. And tomorrow I won't dwell on failure and feel hopeless.

Thanks to my BFF's who are great friends who I can count on and are sooo supportive of my goals to lose weight. I wish we could do Spa Day every 2 weeks! But w/o the creme brulee. And the massage therapist named Ulga, who likes to inflict pain. Go BFFs!

I HATE stair machines!

I know that you are supposed to mix it up w/your exercise. So today, I thought I would do some time on the stair machine.

Honestly, people were on the arc trainer I wanted to work out on. I know very rude. Usually, NO ONE works out on them. Which I am fine w/because I LOVE them and in 1 hour you can burn more than 800 calories. But two very rude people were on them, so I decided I would suck it up and do some time on the stair machine while I wait for them to open up.

And I was quickly reminded why I HATE them. And in 20min, I only burned 155 calories. Now, I know that is not an exact estimate, but in 30min on the arc trainer I burned 400. I renewed my vow NEVER to get back on the stairmachine. So, hopefully those rude people will stay off my machine.

I am back!

I have been busy and haven't posted in awhile. I felt over the weekend that I was losing some momentum. But I know I was still doing better overall then when I would just let things go and eat whatever. I ordered a milkshake. I know bad, but I got kidsized. Better. But yest, I was more focused. I was scared to weight myself. But I had lost 1lb. Yeah! I know I could have lost more if I had been more focused, but I also know that if I don't feel like I can be normal then I won't succeed.

Cravings!

If I see the Red Lobster never ending shrimp comercial one more time . . .

I don't know what it is about today, but I am having some serious cravings. But I have not caved. YEAH!

And did you notice the ticker at the bottom. Not on the 4 but on the 5lbs. I checked the scale like 5 times. YEAH!

I am trying to set short term goals. And so far I have lost a quarter of the weight for my first goal. To be under 200lbs. It feels good. For the first time in years, I feel like I can do this. No diet pills, no starving, just changing my life. And I feel like when I get to my goal. I won't gain it back. And that is the best place to be. No longer feeling defeated by eating. Thanks for your support!

And Julie, I fixed it so anyone can post. You don't have to log in. I better go finish Noah's necklace.

Lessons Learned

Okay, so today didn't go as well.
I did workout like I wanted to. But didn't keep as close of tabs on my portions and eating tonight. It is so hard when I work nights to get this figured out.
I am trying not to let this set me back as a whole.
Tomorrow is a new day. And for the whole of the last week, I have been very good. I am at a weight that I have been before, and have not been able to get under. I think that I am focusing too much on that, instead of focusing on watching my portions/exercising.
I need to get some sleep. Night!

Jinx!

I am thinking if I get too happy about how things are going to jinx it. But things are still going well, and we are going to pretend. This is the first time I have tried to lose weight and its going well. Right!!!!!!!!!!!!! We won't dwell on that b/c it will J_ _ _ IT!
I have lost another pound. Yeah me! I really like the spark website. I have downloaded some recipes and we will see how they work! I will let you know.

Another 4 star Day!

And another "Yeah Me" day. Lost another pound. Its hard to tell how accurate that is since I weighed after waking up tonight rather than 1st thing in the morning. But the scale doesn't lie. Right!
So far the Ah Ha moment is still happening. I am making better choices. Going to the gym. Staying well w/in my calorie goals. And not HUNGRY! That's the best of all.

Yeah Me!

So, far so good. I am down 1 lb. I am doing good w/staying the daily intake goals and better w/exercise. I am hoping that this is my ah ha moment and it sticks. I turned down Sheridans tonight. I know baby steps is the key. But turning down Sheridans should be a leap :) .

A Better Day!

Today was a better day.
I still am over on my calorie goals. But yest I was under. That makes me even, Right?
I really thought that today was much worse. Since I worked last night, I am awake for more of the day, hence I eat more. Or I don't eat and then become starved. I had two snacks today, and that seemed to help me not be so hungry at dinner. And I am still doing a better job w/my selections and portion size.
I didn't go to the gym. I had a sick kid. But I did work in the yard after school. And since it was so hot. Sweating was not an issue. But I am giving myself 4 stars for the day. Yeah Me!

Sugar cookies

Okay, now I know that I shouldn't have made them. But the lunchroom helpers at school were talking about all the great things my mom packs in my boys' lunch. Which she does. And I am so greatful that she does (pack the lunches and comes up w/fun things so they don't complain that they don't get to eat lunch from the cafeteria).
But I made them (the sugar cookies). Which they are not the problem as much as the frosting that I made for them. The frosting mmmmmmm...... I need to focus.
I, for the most part didn't too bad for the day. I did not realize how much fat were in bugles. But I didn't have that many of them. And when the spark website calculated them in, I was glad that I didn't have more.
But I did do a better job of watching portions. And I did way better today.
But I didn't go to the gym :(. I was EXHAUSTED! Some days my lack of sleep catches up to me more than others. And today was that day. I plan to try to hit the gym for at least 30min tomorrow.

Getting off the computer

Now that I have spent nearly an hour enrolling on sparkpeople.com. I am going to go to the gym. As I was sitting and trying to find support groups to join, it dawned on me, I am spending alot of time sitting and not doing anything. So, I will have to make sure that blogging/journaling doesn't take over. I know that it is an important aspect of losing weight. But seriously, lets face the fact that free time is NOT something I have to be wasting. And I am tired of feeling like, I can't lose this weight. So, I am going to try not to focus on the weight, but the healthy lifestyle. And get off the computer and go to the gym. Bye!

Okay enough is enough

Okay, I have said in the past that I was serious about losing weight. But today was the final breaking point. I saw pics that my son took of me when we were at the park playing tennis. I could not believe it. I look in the mirror everyday. I see what I look like. But I was horrified. They say that you should journal. But I am going to blog instead. I owe it to myself to lose this weight. Not for my kids (not that they don't deserve me to be the healthiest that I can be), or for the future husband that I may or may not meet, but for me. This weight is not who I am. I am not a lazy, self destructive person. But that is what the weight feels like. I need to get control of this. I need for weight to not be the center of my life.